Not even an email break up...

I guess I'm better off because he wasn't an adult about it.

'Broadcasting it on Myspace and telling your friends that I'm your EX without even telling me first. Nice. You're a fucking dick' We're thoughts that came to mind.

Then he broadcast it that our relationship was a mistake....that I was a nagging bitch....ONE YEAR and our relationship was a mistake.

ONE YEAR....and all I was to him was a nagging bitch.

The words hurt worse than the fact that he let everyone know it was over between us before he let me know. No email saying, guess what it's not working out....even THAT I could have accepted. No phone call...nothing. Just me finding out after clicking on his profile. Then after emailing him about it, he denied it....said I was a crazy bitch....that he didn't know what I was talking about.

And now he's got a crush. He's moved on more quickly than I ever even thought about moving. He's interested in *Stephanie*. He does these things to hurt me. Why do I let him succeed? Because my heart is broken. Because it wasn't on my terms. Because I still have hope that maybe deep, down, somewhere, he still loves me. This is supposed to be the other way around. He's supposed to be the one missing me. He's supposed to be the one that can't sleep at night. I wanted this. I told him we needed space. That we should work our problems out when we weren't living together. It's my fault that all of this is happening. I wasn't ready for what my words said. I hadn't braced myself.

But then again, maybe it isn't. Maybe, it IS his fault. He wouldn't grow up. I gave everything I had in that relationship. I tried harder to make that work than I tried to breathe. And he wanted everything to fall into place. Instead, he began text messaging another girl, talking to a girl, all behind my back. He didn't even make any mention of it. And then when I found out; after he'd be secretive about everything, I was the bad one. I was the one who was in the wrong for " Snooping". But the phone was in my name. I'd added it to my plan FOR HIM. Now, I'm left to pay the bill that he rang up, plus the bill to cancel his line.

I hurt. My heart hurts. I want to cry. Choking back the tears I want to shed is getting really old. Putting on that smile, the SHOW for everyone, is getting old. I need to let it out. But if I do, does he win even more? How could he?

'Get out of the game' is another thought that comes to mind. ' Stop playing his game, get out of it completely. Be the bigger person. Win by walking away.'

For once, I think I'll listen to my head instead of my heart.

Snooping.....

Isn't exactly the way to go about things if you're wanting to find something out. 9 times out of 10, just asking is enough to get you the answers that you need. But what happens when that 1 time, it isn't the answer that you needed to hear? What if that one time, there was no answer, only a statement that caused you to wonder and worry more? Do you snoop through emails or text messages? I would say no, but the cold hard truth is that I'm guilty of having done this, just as 98% of the population is.

What if you found things in said emails or texts that caused you to wonder or worry? You obviously couldn't ask your significant other about them because then that would put you in an awkward spot. You'd have to admitt that you didn't trust the other person, and due to that, snooped. Not exactly the position I'd want to be in...but it happens...whether or not it should have is a totally different story. Snooping, is wrong, and even I admitt that....even after being one to have snooped before, but let me ask you this....would it have been better to not know? Especially if you truly in your heart believed that something was wrong?

Every relationship sits on a foundation: Love and Trust. You have to have trust before you can have love, and you have to maintain that trust to maintain that love. Mistrust puts stress on that foundation...and what do you get when the foundation undergoes too much stress? That's right, a crack....or many for that matter. Soon this sturdy foundation you worked so hard to build and maintain, crumbles...

So let me ask you this....Do you think its possible for humans to actually trick themselves into believing that something is wrong or right? Maybe fears in our relationships are actually emotional triggers, that happen because of a past event or events. Take, for instance, a past relationship? Say you were cheated on. The minute something reminds you of that, the fear comes into play. " Is he cheating on me?" " Is she lying to me?". Not exactly a rock solid way to keep a relationship above water, now is it? You're tricking yourself into believing that something is wrong... Because of your past fears, you're searching, desperately to find something that will prove you're right. You're so worried that the other person will hurt you, that YOU unintentionally and unknowingly make it happen. The outcome is that you've sabotoged a really good thing because of fears you couldn't overcome.

Negativity has a lot of power over us as individuals. It can sway our judgement and make us react to things drastically. Ever been in a relationship where the other person starts complaning about things??? All of the sudden you find yourself wondering why they're not happy, and in turn thinking that they're not happy, causing you to question if YOU'RE happy.

If you convince yourself that someone is being unfaithful, you're already on a downhill slope. You won't slow down until, God forbid, the relationship erodes to nothing. And then what will you have to say for yourself? It won't be " Oh I was overanalyzing everything and it's my fault" ...no no no...you'd be saying more along the lines of.. " Oh well he/she didn't even try to make it work, so they obviously must have been cheating". All the while the other person is sitting scratching their head wondering how the course of events took place.

What would happen if, we didn't always assume the worst?What if we assumed the best? What would happen if we STOPPED reading each other's texts and e-mails and actually trusted each other? Maybe there would be a logical explanation to everything. Maybe those texts you believed to be the starting of another relationship, or a secretive something or other, were actually, harmless? What if your significant other was just being polite to the texter/emailer when they said " I miss our talks" and your s/o said " I do too". It could just be a case of an old friend missing an old friend and being completely platonic.

Snooping isn't the way to go about things. And neither is being a psycho and freaking out at every instance. If you love someone, trust them. Give them the benefit of the doubt.